IRIN News: Philippines: Empowering Mid-Wives

This article was originally published on the IRIN News website.
PHILIPPINES: Empowering midwives to curb maternal deaths

Photo: Courtesy of UNFPA Philippines

Midwives play a crucial role in rural parts of the country

MANILA,, 26 May 2010 (IRIN) – Giving midwives access to further training in life-saving skills could prevent up to 80 percent of maternal deaths in the Philippines, says Rosalie Paje, division chief of the Family Health Office under the Department of Health (DOH).

“Midwives play a crucial role in providing maternal healthcare, especially in geographically isolated and disadvantaged areas and those affected by armed conflict where doctors and nurses are scarce,” Paje said.

According to the 2007 UN Development Programme (UNDP) Philippines Mid-Term Progress Report on the Millennium Development Goals (MDG), the number of maternal deaths per 100,000 live births has declined from 209 in 1993 to 162 deaths in 2006, but it is unlikely the MDG 2015 target of a maternal mortality ratio (MMR) of 52 will be met.

“The MMR here in the Philippines is atrociously high,” says Alberto Romualdez, former DOH secretary and now vice-president of The Family Planning Forum, an NGO that supports programmes in effective reproductive health.

Midwives crucial to maternal care

According to Patricia Gomez, president of the Integrated Midwives Association of the Philippines (IMAP), there are an estimated 17,500 midwives registered under the Professional Regulation Commission (PRC) working in the public health sector. Midwives usually earn between US$100 and $300 a month.

But that is barely enough to service the 41,841 barangays (the smallest government unit) throughout the archipelago nation.

According to the National Demographic Health Survey (NDHS) of 2008, only 44 percent of births in the Philippines occur in health facilities; 56 percent of children are still delivered at home.

Under Philippine law, licensed midwives are authorized to carry out the supervision and care of women during pregnancy, labour and management of normal deliveries, including the administration of an oxytocin drug to prevent and treat haemorrhage after the delivery of the placenta.

According to Yolanda Oliveros, coordinator of the joint programme on maternal and newborn heath at the UN Population Fund (UNFPA), “Midwives are not allowed to handle emergency cases alone such as high-risk pregnancies or administer life-saving drugs such as magnesium sulphate and steroids.”

Empowering midwives

However, health experts are lobbying for amendments to the midwifery law to allow midwives to administer such medicines.

The leading causes of maternal deaths include pregnancy-induced hypertension, post-partum bleeding and post-abortion complications.

Photo: David Swanson/IRIN

56 percent of all births take place in the home

According to the DOH Maternal Mortality by Cause Report, updated in June 2009, hypertension complicated by pregnancy comprises 29 percent of the causes of maternal deaths, and partum haemorrhage 15 percent – the second and third leading causes of maternal death.

Others are sepsis, obstructed labour and complications around unsafe abortion – most of which are preventable with proper diagnosis and intervention.

“To address these direct causes of deaths, giving oxytocin during active management of the third stage of labour [after delivery] is very important to prevent and treat post-partum bleeding. Magnesium sulphate is very important to prevent and manage occurrence of eclampsia or convulsion brought about by severe hypertension. Giving of antibiotics is also essential to control existing infection,” says Oliveros.

However, this suggestion has met resistance from the Philippine Obstetrical and Gynaecological Society (POGS).

“Magnesium sulphate, if not properly administered, can cause respiratory failure and kidney shutdown,” Regta Pichay, POGS president, says.

However, given the urgent need to curb the MMR, Pichay says the POGS is ready to train mid-wives to administer magnesium sulphate and oxytocin after the third stage of labour.

“Midwives are already administering oxytocin during the fourth stage of labour or after the expulsion of the placenta, as prescribed by law. But many times, this is too late. We would like to be able to accredit them to issue it after the third stage of labour or after the delivery of the foetus,” says IMAP president Gomez.

Countdown to 2015

POGS, with the UNFPA, has started the MDG Countdown Programme where midwives will be trained and supervised in tertiary hospitals for the administration of oxytocin and magnesium sulphate. An estimated 600 midwives will undergo the pilot programme.

“After six months of training, they will be issued a certificate of proficiency based on performance.  Only then will they be deployed to the marginalised communities such as the mountain provinces of Ifugao, Leyte, Samar, Bicol and the ARMM [Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao],” Pichay said.

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Smart Brow Shaping

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Browhaus

Product Category:
Eyebrow shaping/grooming

Available at:
Browhaus
4/F Greenbelt 5, Ayala Center, Makati City
tel. (632) 501-3998
www.browhaus.com

Price/s:
Brow construction (either threading or tweezing), Php580
Browgraphy (which includes brow construction and color tweaking), Php1,280

Tester:
Ana Santos, freelance writer

If the eyes tell you a lot about a person, then what do someone’s eyebrows tell you?

“A lot!” says Roberta Abad, managing director of Browhaus, emphatically.

“Good grooming is so important. First impressions last and at the on-set, you cannot initially tell if someone is a kind person for sure, right? So the next best thing is to be properly groomed at all times. And this includes eyebrows,” Abad quips.

I’m certainly no stranger to getting my eyebrows waxed, threaded, or shaved. I’ve had just about any possible manipulation done on my eyebrows.  I was, like a lot of women, obsessed with keeping my brows to a mere minimum. I would always have one problem, though. I usually felt like the quality of my eyebrow shaping was a matter of luck. Often, how happy I was with the finished job was directly related to the mood of the brow stylist. I’ve had brows that looked like they belonged on different faces if the stylist was having a bad day.

This is something that Browhaus considers an ultimate no-no.

“All of our brow architects are extensively trained to make eyebrows their business. And apart from the training, we have tools of the trade like a special thread which is 100 per cent cotton and made just for the eyebrows. People are always surprised to hear that it’s [this thread] is exclusively for the eyebrows and made from the materials that were used way back in the olden times,” explains Abad who says that all the materials from Browhaus are sourced directly from The Strip franchise group so all the products are of the same quality.

Abad whisked me off to get my first ever browgraphy at the newly opened Browhaus in Greenbelt 5.

I met my brow architect named Grace and she took me through the whole process.

1. First was the evaluation. Grace carefully studied my eyebrows and told me that one side was over plucked. From here, she assessed the shape of my face.  She recommended that I let my eyebrows grow out a bit so that they would even out. Grace even let me in on eyebrow trends. “Generally, the fad now is thicker eyebrows.  And overall, thicker eyebrows can make one look younger.”

2. Taking her recommendation and the shape my eyebrows were in, we talked about the shape. “This is so there will be no surprises,” says Abad, who was also walking me through the process. “Both you and your brow architect need to be on the same page. You don’t want to look in the mirror after [the procedure] and scream.”

3. Then my eyebrows were dyed. “There are many things that we put on our face that affect the color of our eyebrows—like astringents and creams,” starts Abad.  “That’s’ why it is important to match the color of the eyebrows with the hair on your head.” The dye used at Browhaus is all-natural, non-toxic and completely safe. Eyebrows can be lightened or darkened and the dyeing only process takes about 10 to 12 minutes.

4. After that, came the hard part—a combination of threading and the subsequent plucking of any stray hairs that were left behind by the threading. Threading, which may be best described as tiny little pinches on your skin, is often a dreaded process and the reason why most women opt to shave their eyebrows. “If you’re a threader, you’ll notice that our brow architects have a certain way of doing it which is not that painful. They pull in the direction of the hair growth,” shares Abad in a soothing voice.

5. My eyebrows were visibly reddish from all the plucking, so Grace whipped out a special Ice Cream cream, which she applied to the brow area. The effect was like putting cooling cream on a bad sunburn—there was an instant soothing sensation.

6. Giving me a mirror to look at the results, Grace assured me, “We record every procedure you have at Browhaus so the next time you come, your brow architect will know what was done and make sure that the exact same procedure is done. This is to ensure that you’ll achieve or maintain your ideal eyebrow shape.”

And was I happy with the result? I was very impressed with the detail and the attention that went into the procedure. It did take a bit longer than the usual shaving and plucking I’m used to (overall, about 30 to 45 minutes), but after many years of leaving my eyebrows to chance, and suffering the consequences, I could finally rely on the precise art of browgraphy to allay my eyebrow anxieties.

Female Network: Summer Makeup Tips

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With summer heat melting the color off our faces, it’s important to use products that counteract the effects of heat, rather than succumb to them.

By Ana Santos (This article was published on femalenetwork.com March 2010)

Summer is great for sleeveless tops, flowy skirts, and sandals—but not always for your face. Going outdoors and hitting the beach to get out of the smoldering heat may do wonders for your tan, but may spell disaster for your makeup.

Here are some hot tips to kick up your defenses against makeup’s summer enemies: caking, smudging, and running.

SUN BLOCK, SUN BLOCK, SUN BLOCK

The best thing that you can do for your skin is to apply sun block before any other makeup product on your face. Studies show that in order to get the SPF coverage of 30, you have to apply at least 2 grams of product on your face—which is just a whole lot of sun block. To compensate, go for sun block with a higher SPF coverage of 40 or 50. But then again, contrary to popular opinion, a higher SPF doesn’t mean that you get significantly more protection or that you don’t have to reapply. Learn more about sunscreen from Female Network’s guide to SPF.

Try Eau Thermale Avene Crème with SPF 50 or Clarins UV Plus Day Screen SPF 40, which comes in clear and tinted versions.

Alternatively, look for sun block products that are made with mexoryl, zinc oxide, and titanium dioxide, which are substances designed to make sun block stay on the skin longer.

GO LIGHT ON THE FOUNDATION

Your skin may be darker during the summer than any other time of the year, so check to see if your current foundation color still matches your skin tone.

Instead of using your regular cream or liquid foundation, try a tinted moisturizer like Olay Total Effects, which is very light and glides more smoothly on skin. Dust powder on your face afterward to set.

PLAY UP THOSE EYES

Break free from safe neutral eye shadow colors and dare to go flirty and fun with the shades of summer like light purples, pinks, and blues.

To avoid eye shadow caking into the creases of your eyelid, don’t forget to cover even the eyelid with powder and then apply an eye primer like MAC Crème Colour Base to make the eye shadow last longer.

For eyeliner, which may have a higher tendency to run when you sweat, try applying liner only on the top lash line. It’ll help you avoid the dark eyed raccoon look.

WATERPROOF THOSE LASHES

When it comes to eyelashes, there’s only one thing to remember: waterproof mascara. You need mascara that will withstand the watery effect of humidity. Maybelline has become the mascara brand trusted by many makeup artists for its high quality and reasonable price and offers a range of waterproof mascara products.

When applying, make sure you put mascara on top of the lashes as well as under it. To avoid clumping, comb the mascara wand through the lashes many times in an outward light wiggling motion.

PLAY UP THE SUN-KISSED LOOK

For a fresh dewy appearance, go for a sun-kissed look. Lightly powder MAC Mineralize Skin Finish or a similar product on the parts of your face that are naturally hit by the sun, like your forehead, cheekbones, chin and nose. For an evening look or if you’re sporting a sexy sundress during the day, spread bronzer onto your shoulders for an evenly tanned look.

TLC FOR YOUR LIPS

Yes, even your lips need protection from the sun. Your lips, like the area around your eyes, are covered with one of the thinnest layers of skin on your body, so they need extra protection. Use a lip balm with sun shield protection, like Hawaiian Tropic SPF 45 Plus Aloe Vera Sun Block Lip Balm, before you put on lipstick.

As a last tip, if there are makeup enemies, there are also makeup best friends, namely:

FACE BLOTTING PADS

Thou shalt not be caught looking sweaty and greasy. Nothing wipes shine off your face like oil blotting paper. Keep a pack handy in your bag during the summer so you don’t have to keep re-applying face powder.

NON-COMEDOGENIC MAKEUP

When shopping, instead of looking for words like hypo-allergenic, look for makeup that is non-comedogenic. Comedones are blackheads and whiteheads, so when you read the words “non-comedogenic” on a makeup product label, it means that its ingredients don’t cause pimples.

FRAGRANCE-FREE MAKEUP

Perfumes or scents are added to makeup to mask the scent of their original ingredients. However, some perfumes cause allergies when placed on the skin or, when exposed to the sun, cause skin irritation. It’s always better to be safe and go for makeup that is fragrance free.

(Photo by Sara Black)

Female Network: A Would-Be Cupid’s Checklist: How to Orchestrate Romantic Match-Ups

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Ever have two friends you know would be just perfect for each other, if only you could get them together? Check out these 7 matchmaking tips!

By Ana Santos (This “Cupid’s Checklist” article was published in Female Network March 2010)

It happens to even the most cynical and the most skeptical of us. We meet someone who we think would be perfect . . . for one of our friends. The love bug takes a bite, and we want to play Cupid. Our matchmaker instinct is set off and tripping with the thought,  “You just have to meet a friend of mine.”

But there is an art to shooting Cupid’s arrow to ensure lovestruck stars and fireworks. There is such a thing as aim. So before you don those Cupid wings, here are some things to remember before you take flight.

1. MATCH FRIENDS WITH COMMON INTERESTS.

It may seem obvious, but sometimes logic gives way to the temptation to test the old axiom “opposites attract,” but a compassionate matchmaker will make sure the couple has something in common. The would-be couple will also thank you for being considerate enough to give them something to talk about.

2. CONSIDER YOUR FRIENDS’ NEEDS.

This means two things: one, ask yourself if your friend really wants to be set up; and two, know the person’s objectives for dating.

For number one, is your friend ready to start dating, or is it just that you who thinks she should start playing the field again? Is she or he just coming out of a bad relationship? While you may have nothing but good intentions, dating right away may not be the answer to that kind of heart ailment.

The converse may also be true. Is your friend dead set on looking for a one-life-stand? If that’s the case, the least you can do is look for someone who also wants to settle down. Priscilla was set up with her colleague’s Fil-Am cousin who was in Manila on vacation. She nearly fell off her chair when, over dessert, he said, “I’m actually looking for a wife.”

“Here was this young, intelligent, cute guy—perfect, right? But he was hoping to find a wife by the end of his three-week vacation. I wanted to run for the nearest exit. I wish my colleague had told me about his ‘requirement.’ I am so not ready for marriage, and I felt like I was wasting his much precious time,” says Priscilla.

3. DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

Before you even say the words blind date out loud, do a background check on the network and affiliations of the potential date. Check if he or she is related to someone you know, someone’s ex, or worse—a distant relative of your friend.

Considering just how far some extended families go, it is better to be safe than awkward or, well, incestuous.

4. NO SETUPS WITHIN A 2-DEGREE RELATION.

Related to number 3, remember to apply the rule of not playing matchmaker for people within 2 degrees of consanguinity or affinity. This means you should not attempt to fix up an ex-whatever (ex-boyfriend, ex-fling, ex-crush) with a friend, no matter how much you think both of you have moved on. Do not attempt to fix up siblings or those who have a second degree relation to you.

As a matchmaker, have a duty to uphold the honor code of delicadeza which states that exes and siblings are not to be touched with a ten-foot pole.

5. BE CREATIVE.

Don’t confine yourself to traditional setups. The blind date or group date setups are not your only options as far as setups go. Check out speed dating events for yuppies organized by the Love Institute (call 436-4143) and offer to pay for your friend’s entrance fee.

And don’t be too quick to knock the online dating websites. Celine was recovering from the abrupt breakup of a long term relationship when her friends decided to share the membership fees and enroll her in e-Harmony, one of the biggest and most successful online dating sites in the United States. “I was skeptical, and only agreed to try out the site for the minimum three months. I met Bob during my last month, and now, after ten months, we’re engaged,” gushes Celine, who is now forever grateful to her friends.

6.  DISCLOSE ALL PERTINENT INFORMATION.

Apart from the usual statistical information like age, educational background, and kind of work, consider that your friend has agreed to spend a considerable amount of time alone with a complete stranger mainly because of your endorsement. Don’t take that trust lightly.

Disclose all potential information that may be a show-stopper for your friend.  Does this person have a child from a previous relationship? Is this person recovering from substance abuse? It could even be as simple as your friend’s preference for not wanting to date a smoker or someone known to drink a lot. Disclose these details, then let your friend decide if he or she still wants to go out on the date. In short, don’t waste your friends’ time on people they wouldn’t really want to go out with anyway.

7. BOW OUT OF THE MATCH.

Once you’ve arranged the setup, detach yourself from the situation. Let the two grown-ups find out for themselves if they are compatible.

That way, you can keep your distance in case of fire . . . or sparks.

(Photo source: sxc.hu)

The Manila Times: The Love Glove

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The Manila Times, 06 March 2010 – My work as a sex and relationship columnist/sexual health advocate, naturally requires me to get acquainted with condoms. Over the years, there have been many encounters with the love glove, and before you start drawing your own conclusions, I should tell you that my intimate moments with the love glove have included: educational close to scientific encounters and trial and error moments to see what they’re made of, in a literal fashion.
I’ve seen condoms inflated and in different colors as if in a candy store. I’ve seen them used to clothe mannequins and as decoration. I even have a collection from other countries and studied how they use their packaging as a means to advertise safe sex. A condom expert sent me an interesting document on the raw materials of condoms and how they originate from tree sap. All this I do because I need to be knowledgeable and credible when I talk about sexual health. So I guess you can say that I do a lot of oral. And in my work, there are days when there are just too many condoms and so little time to hand them all out.

This was one of those ‘days’ that extended to one whole week.

On Saturday, there was Transitio 1945 hosted by historian and tour guide extraordinaire Carlos Celdran to mark the fall of Manila and the end of World War II. The whole Fort Santiago was illuminated with lights and contemporary art installations. Visitors came in droves, with banigs, picnic baskets and bottles of wine to watch flamenco dancers and take part in the highlight of the evening—lighting and setting off 120 spirit lanterns to commemorate the 120,000 people who died during that fateful day in 1945.

And in the middle of this revelry, girls demurely dressed in Maria Clara costume daintily and discretely handed out LICK condoms. LICK condoms are the latest product of DKT, Philippines who also makes Trust, Frenzy and Premiere condoms apart from a wide range of contraceptive devices and lubricants. As the name suggests, these condoms are flavored with real fruit flavors: wild tutti fruitti and juicy strawberry.

Dressed in a fabulous Maria Clara Filipinana gown made of what must be the finest piña and most delicate embroidery (graciously lent to me by Democratic Socialist Women of the Philippines National Chairman Beth Angsioco), I joined the Maria Claras in their condom giving. It was a gown that forced me to sit up straighter and walk taller as I proudly handed out condoms to guests and gaily posed for pictures.

As you can imagine, it drew a lot of reactions from the guests. Most were amused at the sight of condoms being given out by ladies dressed as the quintessential figure in Philippine literature who embodied the virtues of purity and chastity.

It made an impact. Rather than passive acknowledgement with a curt nod, people took notice. “Wow, modern day Maria Claras” some of them said presumably alluding to the need for women to change along with the times.

Others laughed at the delicious paradox. All too familiar with Maria Clara as the paragon of virtue; here was a “replica” of her, handing out condoms and making a statement about the need for safe sex in this day of rising HIV numbers.

I’m sure if LICK condoms were made back then, Maria Clara would have “licked” it and Jose Rizal would have been mighty proud to adore a woman who was smart and sexy and most importantly, safe.

Then, I finally had the chance to meet Robin Padilla at the Trust Family Planning media event in Quezon City. As the new face and ambassador of Trust Condoms, Robin talked about the importance of family planning in the context of our 92-million and growing population, the need to get out of poverty and the desire of every parent to make a future for their children.

It’s no secret that I’ve been nursing a one-sided love affair with Robin since his Bad Boy days when movies like Barumbado and the classic Maging Sino Ka Man were making a killing at the box office. If fellow The Manila Times columnist Karen Kunawicz has a thing for Johnny Depp, then I have this thing for the Bad Boy—a “thing” which I have been harboring for more than a decade.

Back then, many questioned my “feelings,” relegating them to a schoolgirl crush, but I remained steadfast and true. I defended Robin saying he alone laid claim to the dream boy mix of bad boy-boyish charm. He was the embodiment of maginoo pero medjo bastos (gentlemanly yet roughish) or well, medjo bad boy.

And now, more than a decade later, he still has the power to make women of all ages, from all walks of life squeal with delight, tripping over one another for a chance to have their picture taken with him. He still has that oozing charm that can reduce even the most dignified heads of reproductive health groups to giddy, giggling girls.

After having her picture taken with him, one lady, head of a reproductive health group said, “I thought his star had waned”, referring to Robin’s hiatus from showbiz. She addressed her own doubt by saying, “I’m only beginning to understand his magic,” she sighed.

As for me, I wasn’t frozen into a stupor or rendered speechless at finally arriving at this moment that I had waited so long for. Who would have known that, years later, I would meet Robin because of a common cause—our passion for reproductive health?

I was at the sidelines observing this magic that enraptured and charged the whole room along with everyone in it. This charm was that was made more palpable by in his presence as compared to his image on the big screen.

And I too began to understand another part of the Robin magic—his humility. Others have star presence, an oomph that silences a crowd. Robin has all that, plus a sincere humility that is quite endearing. He obliged every picture, addressed every question and intelligently answered them with statistics and facts that he quoted from the National Statistics Office. He didn’t turn down any request, not even mine to wear the Sex and Sensibilities.com button. He pinned it on his chest and proudly posed for pictures wearing it.It is this sincerity that gives depth and credence to his call for family planning summarized as “Mag-usap, Mag-desisyon. Umaksyon. [Discuss. Decide. Act.]”

And lastly, there was Ignite Manila where I was given the chance to ignite, excite and arouse a crowd’s interest and passion for the website that I founded called Sex and Sensibilities or SAS. I talked about my dream and that of the other women on the SAS Editorial Board to empower women with information about their sexual health rights by making the subject sexy and sassy.

It was no small feat as each of the Ignite Speakers had to do the same for their respective passions in exactly five minutes, using 20 slides that auto-advanced every 15 seconds.

Several people approached me after the presentation telling me how much they believed in the same objectives. Norman Wilwayco, whose presentation I admired and cheered for, came up to me and congratulated me—an ultimate compliment.

It was a week of all things close to my heart: the realization of schoolgirl crushes, talking about personal passions among fellow enthusiasts of other causes and of course, condoms. (LICK condoms were also given out during Ignite Manila, in case you’re wondering.)

People often ask me why I do what I do. I tell them that it’s days and weeks like this that I live for and, ultimately, make me fall in love with my job all over again.

View original article on: http://www.manilatimes.net/index.php/lifestyle/12744-the-love-glove

Metro March 2010: TransPinay

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The struggle for Dee Mendoza to prove herself at work was a difficult one, not for reasons of capability, but because of the way she chose to express and  affirm her gender. Mendoza talks intimately about being a transsexual woman; her discoveries and her struggles that ultimately led to her emancipation.

 Clothes may make a man, but it doesn’t make a woman. 

I have always been a woman even though I had to wear men’s clothes. Cross dressing — that is me in men’s clothes — started at a very young age.  I was born with a male body. Thus, I was expected to perform conventionally in the role of male; act male, be heterosexual, have girl friends, and eventually a wife.

It never felt right. From my earliest memories I knew I was not comfortable in some way. From an early age, I identified far more with my childhood girl friends than boyfriends. It went on until college, up to the first few years of my employment in my current job.

My parents reared me to become a good, law-abiding, God-fearing boy. In my heart I know that they did this out of love and good intentions.  But that did not stop me from dressing up in princess gowns using our spare curtains or wrap a towel on my head and think that it was my long hair when I was alone or in the company of my female friends.

One Christmas, I wrote Santa: Dear Santa, please give me a Barbie doll.

“Santa” (my parents) wrote me back and said: Barbie dolls are for girls, you should not ask for that. I was crushed. I thought Santa Claus was about magic. I thought he was my confidant, and my request was something that would not reach my parents. From then on, I wrote to Santa and asked for neutral toys like puzzles or books.

As I grew up, the only path open to me was the so called gay role. But I soon discovered that wasn’t me.

Meeting the word “transgender” is one of the turning points of my life. It was then that I truly began to discover who I was, who I am, who I have always been, in respect to my sexuality, and my gender. I knew then that I was, and always had been, gender female, and a heterosexual woman.

There was no transformation, there was just an AFFIRMATION. A declaration to myself and to the world that my gender is female and that I am a woman.  The word “transformation” is problematic to describe my experiences.  It connotes a leap from point A to point B.  In retrospect, I have always thought myself to be female since the earliest recollection of my memory. It was later blurred by the dictates of society and it became clear again to me when I reached the affirmative point in my life where I rediscovered I am woman.

Before the realization, I lived a life behind a mask.  Always pretending to be someone I was not. I was always unhappy, unfulfilled.

The day I rediscovered who I am was the day I was set free.  I was never felt happier, more confident.  It was as if a whole new world awaited me.

Before that, I felt so trapped.

This is me, free and unmasked. This is who I am. Who I have always been. I was always Dee. That wasn’t always my name. But I have always been who I am. I felt it from an early age, but as described above, rebelled against my imposed identity and now, I am myself both outwardly as well as well as inwardly.

Discovering who we are is a process all of us go through at some point in our lives, and it takes time.  For some people it takes more time than for others, and for the transperson, discovery is further complicated by the restrictions of society’s conventional thinking, misunderstanding, and even hostility about sexuality, sexual identity, and gender identity.

The reality is that the conventional view that there is only male and female, heterosexual and homosexual, and that one should conform to the expected norms, is simply, wrong. Human, life, all life for that matter, is more complex and more interesting than that.

Of course, there are still some constraints for me. These are not of my choosing. Instead they are imposed by those around me, by some sections of our society, in its ignorance and bigotry, when it tries and sometimes succeeds in restricting my right to be who I am. I face this daily.

Beyond Appearances 

A few years ago, I was fired from my job because I started to express my real gender by growing my hair and putting on women’s garb.

The reason for termination was, of course, something else other than that.  I actively searched for a job after that enduring as many as 3 interviews in a week. This went on for 6 months. I even applied for entry-level positions in Marketing, which were way below my qualifications.  I would be called for an interview upon seeing my resume, but when they saw me, they’d politely come up with a reason for the rejection of my application.  An unforgettable encounter I had with a prospective employer was when he said, to my face, “We’re okay with gays but not the likes of you.”

Fortunately now, I am employed by an equal opportunity employer who judges me based on my performance and not what’s between my legs or how I choose to present myself. I had to prove myself and work hard, but it paid off. I have earned the respect of my supervisor and colleagues and have been with the same company for the last 6 years.

I am currently in a healthy, loving relationship. I met my partner on-line.

You know, there’s a certain quality about meeting someone on-line; you are not lured by the trappings of the other’s beauty, the wining and dining…by the need for  touch. You connect on an intellectual and deeper level.

He flew here to the Philippines a few months after we met. For the first few years, it was a long distance relationship. He would fly here every three months and would be together 6 months in a year. In 2008, he moved here.

My partner looks at me and treats me as a woman. I told him from the start that I am a transsexual woman and he said: “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you”. My partner has always been heterosexual and I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. I wouldn’t want to go out without a man interested in other men.

He first proposed to me on a trip to London. We were outside the church where Princess Diana got married and he knelt down and proposed. I told him it wasn’t the right time yet, and I think it may have hurt him, but after a year, he proposed again and I said yes.

I’m incredibly happy. Because of the Gender Recognition Law in the UK, ours will not be a civil partnership, it will be a marriage. Being married has always been my dream as a child to and now it’s going to happen. I’m going to make it happen. It’s the ultimate affirmation of my femininity. I am going to be part of a legitimate and recognized couple.

Suffice to say that there is nothing really that remarkable about transpeople, beyond the struggles we have to overcome to be accepted as just as normal, just as clever, just as nice just as nasty — just the same as everybody else.

We are so much more than our bodies.  When we think of ourselves and others in terms of their anatomy and their genetalia, it is as if we are reducing ourselves to bits and pieces.

We all want love and long for a lifelong partner.

We just have to try harder, and do more than most to prove it. And all we want is a level playing field, an equal chance to succeed.

 

 

 

 

 

The Manila Times: Blame it on Angelina

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Angelina Jolie played eerie and semi-deranged roles as a supermodel who died of AIDS, Gia, and a mentally disturbed drug addict in “Girl Interrupted” and won for an Oscar for the latter role. Read more

The Manila Times: All the Single Ladies

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For a myriad of things—from fashion to technology—we look to the Western world for advancements, modernization and trends. In this merry month of celebrating Valentine’s Day, let us again look to our Western counterparts to see how relationships are being celebrated. Read more

herword.com: Single Ladies

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February 15 is Singles Awareness Day.

Yes, there is such a day. According to Wikipedia, it was concocted by singles who thought that if couples had a right to celebrate their unions, then the singletons had an equal right to revel in their carefree independence.

Thus, the birth of Singles Awareness Day on February 15. A day which is usually celebrated with the greeting, “Happy SAD!”

Sex and Sensibilities, a website devoted to women and strives to balance sexuality with informed choice brings together five young single ladies to celebrate Singles Awareness Day. Jazzing up the traditional wedding gown with embellishments telling of their own individual personalities, these ladies talk candidly about being on their own and the need to balance the highs of single life with responsible and informed choice.

 
Sales Associate for high-end luxury cars

Pam Perlas, 21

 I’ve never celebrated a Singles Awareness Day; though I’ve been single almost my entire life. The first and last relationship I had was three years ago.

I do get asked a lot why I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t know, I feel like the more they ask me why I don’t have one [a boyfriend], the more it makes me want to prove to them that I am happy being single.

I just graduated from college, and, honestly, I’m just too damn excited to find out what’s in store for me in the real world. I got my own flat, drive my own car and I have a job that is enhancing my people skills. I was raised not to need men so I’ve always been independent like this.

I do go out on dates, but if I’m not sexually attracted to the guy, I don’t see myself dating him. Unfortunately, I don’t find attraction that much, hence, the single life! But to some degree, it is a blessing in disguise because when I meet guys that I know are only after sex, I don’t allow it to happen. Sex may be a factor, but it shouldn’t be the only reason to be with someone, though I’ve been told that to some, it’s what keeps their relationships alive. I argue the opposite.

I think there is always more room for a wider awareness about safe sex and sexual health because as some may already know what it is, I don’t think anyone ever realizes the gravity of it (STI/HIV) until it happens to them. It only takes one infected person to do the job. Next thing you know, you fear for your own health. If you want to have sex, at least be responsible and use protection—it’s always better to be careful now than be sorry later.

Miki Kierfulf, 32
Hairstylist/Makeup Artist

I’ve been a single mom for so long, I can say that I need not be in a relationship to be happy. I’m happy being with my son, not worrying about what I can and can’t do. So I’m fine with it [being single]. If someone comes along, then we will see.

To be honest with you, I still have dreams of getting married one day… of being a princess… to walk down the aisle wearing a very beautiful gown. And well sometimes, yes, I have the tendency to look at the mirror and tell myself, “Ewww, you’re getting older and you’re still not married?” [laughs]

As I matured and got older, I realized that sex is something you share with someone you really love. What is the point of sleeping with someone who doesn’t mean everything to you? 

As for information on safe sex, even if we think we know a lot already, there’s no harm in learning more. We should always be aware of how we can best protect ourselves. 

  

Alexandrea Rodriguez, 22
Brand Manager, Team Manila

Looking back, I was never the girl who dreamed about my wedding, the perfect wedding dress, nor the perfect person to marry.

It’s a very unique concept—wearing a wedding dress when you’re in fact, single and unattached. But I think that’s what made me decide to do the shoot—it was more than just being in the white dress—it’s about being happy and contented with yourself; it’s about being happy and having fun, without having to be married, or to be in a relationship with someone.

Well, I think the pressure of wanting to be in a relationship—get married and start a family, and not from outside factors comes from within a woman.

To tell you the truth, most of my friends are in relationships—some for a long time already, and still counting; and I know only a handful of people who are single. I can say neither the former were pressured to be in a relationship, nor the latter are pressured to be in one.

I’m at the point in my life where I am building and focusing on my career. I guess it also has to do with the fact that I started dating early, so it’s time to take a break, and have fun on my own (not that I don’t have fun when I’m with someone, it’s just that of course, it’s different when your single and carefree.

It takes years to build confidence, and to be contented with oneself. So I say, know and appreciate who you are. Don’t focus on what’s missing in your life; instead, focus on what you have and be confident with it. Happiness comes after contentment.

Cathy Domingo, 20
Recently passed the Nursing Board Exams

My last relationship was late last year. I’ve actually found myself very happy being single. No arguing or fighting—freedom! You can do whatever you’d like, and you can meet SO many new people.

If other girls were to ask me what the secret to being happy even when on your own is, I would tell them to embrace the single life. Know that being single is not the worst thing in the world. In fact, it is pretty spectacular.

But even being single and actively dating comes with the responsibility of taking care of yourself. As a registered nurse, I advocate that all people practice safe sex all the time. Nobody has a body to die for—literally and figuratively. Safe sex is always better! It’s fun, and you don’t have to worry as much (about getting pregnant, STIs). If you and your partner know the pros and the cons, safe sex shouldn’t even have to be negotiated, just simply practiced. Each of us has to be responsible for our own health—no exceptions.

Gale Garcia, 27
Call Center Manager

Growing up in the UK and then coming to the Philippines, I noticed that it’s like a part of the culture to get hitched. I don’t even think it is a phenomenon; it has become a normal thing to do [get married] here. In the UK, when you even mention marriage, a guy runs for his life, and to think, I would too!! Here there is much more focus on finding someone, getting married, than focusing on trying to be happy with themselves.

As for being single, there are definitely things you can do to cultivate a more positive attitude. For a start you can accept that: happiness is a choice. And for that matter, so is getting intimate with someone.

Women of the millennium are having more sex and with more partners. The reality is even if a woman told a man that she won’t sleep with him until marriage, chances are he’d head for the first exit, or cheat on her the entire time. Men can get sex much more easily today than in the past. Marriage isn’t a prerequisite for getting laid anymore.

So casual sex has become as common as having coffee with a buddy in the big city. I don’t know whether to laugh or cry. Think about it; let’s say (for argument’s sake) a woman saves herself until she’s about 25 years of age. Then she sleeps with a man. They break up after a few months. Then she meets another man and after a couple of months, she sleeps with him. Then they break up.

If this woman dates three men a year, she’ll have slept with 15 men by the time she’s 30. So even if a woman isn’t having casual sex, but is dating a man seriously and things simply “don’t work out,” she’s left with another notch on her bedpost simply through the fate she mapped out for herself.

I think that’s also why safe sex is so important. Safe sex is caring about yourself so much that no one can make you do anything that you are not 100 per cent comfortable doing. Safe sex is about knowing yourself so well that you can represent your needs at all times, and in all situations so that you don’t put yourself in a situation of risk.

There is always a need for safe sex and it should be non-negotiable. It’s not even a guy’s responsibility anymore (for example to carry a condom), make it your responsibility too.

Single Ladies! (yes, exclamation point) is a trademark campaign of SexAndSensibilities.com, a website that strives to balance sexuality with informed choice by making sexual reproductive health sexy and SASsy. Read more about your right to protect and love yourself first on www.SexandSensibilities.com. Photography by Rogelio “Allan” Mendoza Jr. Makeup styling by Ana Santos. Gowns worn by Miki, Pam, and Alex all designed by Maricar Dizon. Gown worn by Cathy designed by Lyn Dizon. Hairstyling by Edwin Cabol Jore. Fashion styling by Kathleen Conde.

Metro February 2010: Vicky Christina Manila

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Yes, it is possible to love both a man and a woman at the same time. M, a 20something artist, talks about the dynamics of a polyamorous relationship.

It was a few months before my 25th birthday, so I guess it was sort of a quarter life crisis for me. My boyfriend and I had been together for 8 years already by then and were living together. Our relationship was a bit rocky at that time not because we didn’t love each other but because there were some things that needed to work out — especially me. I was really immature back then, always jealous, selfish, narrow-minded. To fix our relationship, I had to fix myself and it and required that I dealt with my own sexuality.

I realized that I was physically attracted to women – not just the usual appreciation or girl crush, but really wanting to get physical with women. I talked about it with my boyfriend. He encouraged me to figure out my preference; whether straight, lesbian or, or bi-sexual. It would be hard to tell if I had no actual experience. He was a bit scared that I might turn gay on him, but he never wavered in his support. So with that support in mind, I opened up to girl friends telling them I was going through ‘something’. I told one girl friend that I’m looking for someone to “play” with, just to figure out if I do like women. I was surprised when the girl asked “Why not me?”

She was also from an all-girls school just like me. Cute and smart; conventional Catholic family. But she liked the idea of being different and was attracted and my liberal ideas on sexuality. She had been single for around 3 years and needed something new and exciting.

The three of us – the girl, my boyfriend and I talked about this experiment. We realized that for it to work, my boyfriend and the girl needed to get along and get to know each other, too. They went out of dates and the three of us would also go out on dates. It developed from enjoying each other’s company so much to loving each other; all three of us.

Sexual experiment

What started out as a sexual experiment for me ended up in a loving relationship with the girl and my boyfriend. She’d sleep over our place or we’d sleep over at her house. Her family didn’t think much of it and just thought that we were all just one big barkada.

Initially, the girl and I would have long sessions of making out, some lasting for 7 hours long while my boyfriend watched. When we established that there was more love in the relationship, the girl would allow boyfriend to join in, but it was more of me and boyfriend or me and the girl.

She and my boyfriend didn’t really interact sexually because the girl didn’t want penetration. They were scared that I would get insanely jealous if they did. I was really immature back then, so I think their fear was reasonable. It was all making out. There was no oral sex because the girl didn’t want that. My boyfriend and I were blue-balled quite a lot back then.

With a woman, it’s more sensual; with a man, it’s more sexual. With a woman, it’s softer; with a man, it’s harder. It’s really so different. Now I know that I’m bisexual because I appreciate both sexes.

One thing that I realized was something about the description of loving two people at the same time…I thought it would be hard, but it’s not. Your heart grows another space for that other person. The girl didn’t steal or take over the love I had for my boyfriend. My heart kind of grew another space just for her. My boyfriend felt the same way.  So when she left us, that space in my heart became empty which was the heartbreaking part.

It ended after about 3-4 months. Because of my jealousy and immaturity, I became mean to the girl. My boyfriend noticed that we would compete for the girl’s attention or sometimes, we (me and the girl) would compete for my boyfriend’s affection. It was hard. I think that eventually led to the death of the polyamorous relationship as well.

Eventually, may be the girl realized that it wasn’t worth keeping the poly relationship. She fell for one of her girl classmates and cut ties with us.

The first year after we broke up with the girl was hard. My boyfriend and I didn’t know if we were going to break up or not because both of us were in so much pain. But the poly relationship made us closer and stronger than ever. We were there for each other. When I was sad, he would the strong one for us. And when he was depressed, I would be the strong one. It was a unique experience going through a heartbreak where the same person broke your heart. Now, my boyfriend and I are completely honest, open, and understanding with each other and our relationship is definitely stronger now.

It’s hard to say if I would engage in a polyamorous relationship again. My boyfriend and I have talked about it, but we agreed that we don’t want feelings to be involved again. Now, my boyfriend and I are open sexually — threesome, sex with other people, flirt with other people. As long as there are no emotions involved.

When others ask me about being in a polyamorous relationship, I tell them that they really have to be prepared for the rollercoaster ride of emotions. You have to be secure about your partner and mature enough to know that you are also risking your relationship. My boyfriend and I got through it a much stronger couple, but not everyone may have the same experience.

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